A day of vulnerability, of surrender, and of complete freedom.
A day that I have questioned if it should even take place, a day I was so scared to face.
This day changed the way I talk, walk, and live my life. PRAISE THE LORD
At the beginning of training camp I received a key with the word freedom written on it. The purpose of the keys is the company asks the Lord for a word and then when we receive it, we let the him reveal to us what it personally means to us. It could take weeks, months, or years to figure out you’re key, but It has been such a fun way to seek the Lord and what he is calling me in to.
The past 9 months I have been in a season that was holding me in the past. I wanted to give it up and I did, partly, but wasn’t walking in full surrender. I wanted with everything in me to be able to give it up but didn’t know how to give up something that was apart of me for so long.
How do I live life now? I regret it. What about all of my plans? I’m so tired of crying. Did I just waste that time for nothing? Is it even worth it? Jesus can I even trust you? You wouldn’t want this for me. These are only some of the thoughts and questions that I wrestled with the Lord about.
This made me so ready to leave for 9 months so maybe I could escape those thoughts. I was ready for a new environment, new people, and new eyes into the season I was walking in, so possibly they could help me walk through it. Little did I know I was going to find complete freedom of this season.
I found myself in the same position of I want to give this up but I literally do not know how. The Lord gradually started to reveal how to in small steps. I started with asking Jesus to take the desire out of my heart, to strip me of my old ways, and to fix my eyes on him and nothing else. Every day I was asking, what do I need to surrender today? What do I need to die too? It took time but I was able to burn the physical ties I was holding onto in a fire at our campsite one night. The more I trusted God in this process the more I saw my heart change.
One night during worship I was on my knees literally crying out to the father, saying, “I give you everything, my life is yours, I can’t go back, I’m choosing you instead, and I trust you!” 2 months before that moment I would have never been able to say those words and actually mean them. This is a place I wanted to be for so long, and I was finally there. I felt so free.
I proceeded to ask the Lord to reveal anything and everything he wanted me to surrender. Have you ever asked God a question or said something and then immediately was like shoot, now i’m going to have to actually do it? Well that is exactly how I was feeling then. The Lord obviously revealed things to me, so I now had the opportunity to actively live out what I had said during worship.
While I am in the midst of surrendering everything he is giving me more and more of him and allowing this time be so fruitful.
Fast forward to being in Guatemala, the thought of getting re baptized started filling my thoughts. It was confusing because I have always believed that if you get baptized once you’re good. So anytime the thought crossed my mind I would get nervous and scared for what my family and people back home would think. My mentor said that getting baptized again is not saving you again, instead it’s a time of being refreshed by the Father because of what he has done in your life, which shifted my perspective completely.
I prayed so many times for clarity in this because I didn’t want to do it for my mental sake. I wanted it to be solely for him and not me. Because of the surrender Jesus has walked me through, I knew he was calling me into being refreshed by him. For this to happen it requires me to vulnerable, which is just one more thing I’m growing in and giving to Jesus.
On Thursdays we always have activation, which consists of some fire worship, a teaching, and then a time to go and walk out what we just learned. We were taught on identity, and how God has called us holy and blameless, which is a whole talk in and of itself.
Before we went out into the town we sat with the Lord and asked him “Who do YOU say I am?” and found scripture to back it up, allowing the Lord to speak our identity over us. While I was sitting with the Lord he revealed a couple of words to me and then the song Who you say I am just popped in my head. So I started singing out loud “who the son sets FREE, oh is FREE indeed. I am a child of God, Yes I am.” The word free was highlighted to me over and over again, so I wrote it down and started looking up verses to back it up. I somehow ended up in Leviticus 26:13 which states, “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.” God took the children of Israel out of slavery and gave them freedom and is offering us the same. He has broken our chains, walked us out of slavery and into having freedom in him, IF we choose it. We have the choice to stay enslaved to our past, our sins, and to this world, OR choose to be a slave to him.
So my day started with the Lord giving me permission to only being a slave him, and led to doing ATL(ask the Lord) in a town 5 minutes from base. Sadie, Sole, and I went up to these 2 ladies sitting on a bench, and talked, prayed, and encouraged them during the season they were in. It was such a sweet moment that the Lord blessed our day with.
Fast forward to team time that night, Jackie led us through a meditation she loves to connect with the Jesus through. Short version is, we were picturing ourselves on a beach. Jesus was standing on the water, and we just ran to meet each other. He embraced me with the warmest hug, he let go, looked at me with the biggest smile and eyes full of love. Now was the time to ask him anything or just talk to him. I didn’t know what to say, it was like everything left my mind, but then the question of being baptized came to me. I sat there like, dang this again. A couple minutes later it was time to say “bye” so he gave me one more big hug, again with the biggest smile and so full of love.
Our team took time to reflect after and share anything about the time they had. While people were sharing I got this gut feeling to share about Jesus calling me into getting baptized, because he gave me the clarity I needed during the meditation. I started doubting everything and was like Ok God, if you want me to share someone is going to ask me what I was thinking or how I was, or just something to get me to speak because I am not going to speak up on my own. I sat there and was like “Brooke, No. Just be bold.” The room was silent so I went for it, I told them everything I have shared with you. Some girls on my team agreed and said how they know they want to get baptized at some point, for reasons of their own. Which then led to Jena and Jackie saying “OK, we’re doing this right now!” As they ran out the door to start filling up the baptism bathtub with pots from the kitchen, while the rest of us proceeded to strip our ministry clothes off and change.
While we were waiting for the bathtub to be filled we were just dancing in the field. I stopped for a second and the tears just started flowing, my team surrounded me and gave me space to open up. That moment was hard because I had verbally surrendered so much but it was time to physically give and completely surrender it all, which made it so real. I then got on my knees in front of the tub and just prayed, expressing that I am giving everything to him and praising him for getting me here. The entire squad had gathered around and prayed over all of us who were getting baptized. Once they were done Jackie said, “well, who wants to go first?” I just looked up at her and smiled.
I sat in the cold water, breathing deeply, repeating, “this is for you, I’m giving it all, take everything.” Jackie looked at me and said, “this is you walking into freedom and being set free.” Next thing I know I am coming up out of the water a completely new and free daughter of the king. I continued to sit in the water, in awe of who God is and so thankful for this family he has given me. Then Justin anointed me and baptized me in the Holy Spirit, which is a whole other wild story for another time. All you need to know is I haven’t felt the presence and joy of the Lord as much as I did during that time.
We continued in the same process of baptizing our team and then baptizing them in the Holy Spirit. I got the privilege to anoint and pray over one of my teammates, cause since I had been given, it was now my time to give. This time was so special for our team and connected us in a way we never thought could happen. It took our team from silence to non stop talking and from being closed off to more vulnerability.
This is just one testimony of how the Lord is walking us into more freedom in him. We have experienced walls torn down, burdens lifted, and chains broken. But this isn’t just a one time experience. The Father longs for us to draw closer to him and if we earnestly seek him, he continues to invite us to walk into all that he has made available to us.
SO! The door is wide open, take the step, and walk into being set free.
